just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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