he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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