Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
