Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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