I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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