Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
