If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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