420 ftw
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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