he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize