Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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