i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i dont even know how to be here
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
