happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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