Sponge bath it is.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles