I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.