she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.