Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
