i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Everything about him screamed your future.
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
