Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book