What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.