Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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