You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
