She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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