I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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