I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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