the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
