Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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