Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
