I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
