Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
