break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will be naked everywhere
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
