when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
