spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
