if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
