is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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