There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
