Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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