More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
