I wish I could teleport
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
