STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
