I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
