i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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