Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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