Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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