I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
