the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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