They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
