You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
