Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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