he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
