So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
