**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
