apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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