Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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