Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
