I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
