his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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