my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
