Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
