You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
