Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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