We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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