Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
