i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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