But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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