Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
