Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
