YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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