all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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