I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
