And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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