My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
