my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
