I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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