oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
