If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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