i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
