im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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