dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
