did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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