I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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