I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
