woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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