you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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