Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wear drunk well.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
