why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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