I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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