How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i now understand why vodka
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
