The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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