he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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