well I can't set my house on fire every night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
