Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
