The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
