Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
